Taichi Confidential
by princess-yama
Summary: The inner workings of Taichi's mind... if there is any. things to do this month 1 check self into mental institute 2 thank kari for diary... 3 get yama to fall deeply in love with me.. this could be tricky. Chapter 3 is up.
1. Chapter 1

**Well, It's Princess-Yama, this is really retarded, but hell, if Tai did keep a diary it probably would go like this, so yea', never mind. Please read and review, I like reviews, they makes me happy. Love an hugs xxxx**

**Don't own digimon **

**Here goes ………..**

Saturday 3rd June

Hmm, well, where to start? My names Tai, this is stupid. I should really start with something significant (Although I think that me using/ knowing the word significant, let alone being able to spell it is fairly significant in itself). My name is Taichi Yagami? Yagami Taichi? Well however I say it, it still sounds dumb. My best friend, he call's me 'Chi, that sounds stupid too, but hell, I like that he has a special name for me, one that only he's aloud to use. Anyone else call's me 'chi an he gets mad, I act like I think its funny when he gets mad, but I actually kinda like it, makes me feel special, like maybe he's jealous of other people trying to get close to me, yeah, I like that.

Anyhoo, I'm Tai, an I don't know why I'm bothering to do this. Yes, that's right, I'm a sixteen year old boy keeping a diary, my God I'm cool. My little sister, Hikari, she told me to ages ago, she thinks like I'm not in touch with my emotions. Apparently writing stuff down will get me to open up more. I wasn't actually going to keep a diary, I just agreed with her and said I would, you know, just to shut her up for a bit. Then she went out and spent a load of her pocket money getting me a book, an she decorated it all with pictures of all our friends on the front, so I guess I should at least give it a go if it means that much to her. I'll call it a journal, that makes me sound less like a girl I suppose. It's actually quite a nice book. She stuck a picture of me an Yama' right in the middle, I like that picture (He's my best friend, Yamato, only I'm aloud to call him Yama' like only he call's me 'Chi. People think we're an odd pair, but I don't care because I think he's beautiful)

So I will write in this book, I'll warn you now, I'm easily sidetracked. I mean, I start writing, then I go off on a complete tangent about something that's not at all related to what I'm actually talking about, but never mind. (Wow! Where did I get the word Tangent from? Maybe this writing thing will make me smart.) So, at least you've been warned. Why am I even warning you I'm the only one who's going to read this, I mean you, you're just a piece of paper. Which swiftly brings me to a very important point- A tree has died just so that I can make a complete ass of myself writing this crap. I don't care about the tree, but it's the principal.

I'm not too sure what I'm meant to be writing, I'll ask Kari. I'm just rambling. Right, I'll go and ask Kari now, I'm getting confused.

Kari say's I have to write about whatever I want. I don't want to write though, so that doesn't really help. Apparently I'm meant to be opening up and telling you all about how I feel. What's the point? You're a piece of paper, I'm sure you don't care. Wouldn't you rather have someone write an epic novel on you? You know, instead of just me, wasting pages with this and that, none of which seems particularly logical. Oh dear God! Yup, that's right, Taichi Yagami has officially gone insane, I'm asking paper for its opinion on what it would like written on it. Christ Tai, You've really lost it this time. And now I'm talking to myself. Writing a journal really messes with your head, odd, defiantly odd.

Wait a second, did I previously write that I think Yama is beautiful? Hmm, it would appear that I did. Damn, I think I'll check myself into an institute first thing in the morning. At least I've wrote that down, so I wont forget to do it- check self into mental institute. Excellent, suddenly a good point to having a diary, I can write stuff down, then I won't forget things as often because I can check in here what I need to do. I'll be screwed if I write it down though, then forget to look at it to check, it's a vicious cycle really.

Should I write about what I did today? I'm not too sure. I guess that would be a good thing to do. Once when I was little I read Kari's diary. When I say little I mean about thirteen so not really that little. Being thirteen sucked, my hair was always such a mess and Yama and me were always arguing. Wait, I am actually trying to make a point here. So, when I read Kari's diary it was mostly about boy's she liked, shopping and not a whole lot else. I don't like shopping, so I can't write about that and I have no particular interest in girls, so I can't be writing about that either. Boy's though, I guess I can write about boy's, you know, like Kari does. I don't mean that in the gay way, I mean it in the, I don't know, I am friends with boy's so I'll write about them kinda way. Hmm, if I hide this well then there's no actual point in lying. I mean, if I find a really good hiding place, then no one will ever find this book, as it will be well hidden. Hmm, to tell you the truth, or no to tell you the truth? That is in fact **_the_** question, or at least **_a_** question. Well, I guess I could find somewhere to hide this, so it's secure enough to not be found. But are you trustworthy paper? I mean, the walls have eyes, and ears, what's to say you're not going to blab on me? Yea' ok, so I'm retarded.

Ok, well, my name is Taichi Yagami, Yagami Taichi, Tai, 'Chi, what ever you want to call me. I am **GAY! **I think, well, to the best of my knowledge I am, could be Bi, but I don't think I am, I'll consider that one in a bit. I LOVE YAMA! Yup, that's right, I am crazy in love with my totally gorgeous, totally wonderful, totally straight best friend. And you see, this is here is where the trouble with me lies. I love Yama, he doesn't have a clue, if he did, he would probably hang and quarter me (Is that the right sentence? Blah, who knows?) Let's not talk about this one right now. But Yama is so pretty.

He's coming over in a bit- I should find a hiding place before then. We're having a movie night. Going to watch really shitty chick flicks, eat too many sweets and too much pizza, and just be morons for the evening- much like we are the majority of time.

So, erm… that's my first entry. Whoop go me, I made it through a whole entry. I'll write tomorrow, I kind of like this, you know, this writing thing. Guess I'm a little vague but whatever. I'll get used to it, writing I mean. Yea' I'm rambling again.

Whatever.

Bysie

'Chi x X x X x X x

**Well, it begins, trust me, it will get better, Tai just needs to get used to writing a diary bless him. Please review me puppy dog eyes love to you all, next chapter will be up soon if you people would like xxxx**


	2. Chapter 2

**Dum deed dum, Tis I here. **

**Still not owning Tai, or Matt  **

**Chapter 2 here, woop, please Read and review, I like reviews…….**

**Enjoy…..**

Sunday 4th June

Well, well, this here is my second entry, bet your shocked to hear from me again. I didn't plan to, you know, write in here again. After I put you away yesterday I figured it was stupid and pointless to keep a diary- which I still think it is- but hell, why should I care? I've been sitting here on my bed throwing a tennis ball at the wall for about an hour now. I was- well am- feeling pretty shitty, so I suddenly though, hell maybe it would help to write, cos you know, writing is kinda distracting, so I should keep myself busy. So, here I am again, wasting even more paper- green peace are so going to be onto me soon, total destruction of the rainforest or something.

I feel kinda shit at the moment. Yama left a C.D here by stone sour; I've had the song 'Bother' on repeat for about as long as I've been throwing that damn tennis ball. The music defiantly isn't helping my mood, my God it's depressing. SHIT! She was right, I'm writing about my feelings, opening up, damn you Hikari, damn you to hell, bitch! Nah, don't mean it, that's not very nice, you know I love her really she is my baby sister after all. Why is it that I'm feeling shitty I hear you ask (Great, now I'm pretending the paper can talk to me, it just keep's on getting worse) the answer to that question would be one simple word;

**YAMA!**

Oh dear God.

It's really not going well. He does my fucking nut (And I don't mean that in the good way.) I know only too well that he'd hate me if he knew the truth an all, but honestly, how clueless can someone honestly be. I'd understand if he was really thick, but he's not, so there's no excuse for him being so oblivious to everything. It's not like I'm a subtle person or anything, never have been. He's got to be aware that something's a little odd here. But no, apparently not. I mean, Christ, we were watching 'bring it on' (I did tell you we'd be watching shitty chick flicks so don't you judge me!) I was feeling kinda sleepy, it was two in the morning so what do you honestly expect? So, I snuggled up to Yama. Placing my head on his lap and my arm loosely around him he pulled the blanket up to cover me, I guess he thought I'd fallen asleep. He put his arm round me and carried on watching the movie for a bit. Now, understandably I was thinking I'm on my way to heaven at this point. He's so warm, and I don't know. I just love him so much. I always have. Well, maybe not always, when we were about ten, we really hated each other, but I guess that was just because we were struggling for power, always trying to out do each other, it's still like that now, but in a more playful way. Maybe hated is a bit strong, I guess we jus wanted to prove to each other that we were better (Does that even make sense?) Anyway, so at this point in time, I'm thinking like;

**FUCK YEA'! GO FOR IT TAI!**

Then he leant down, and kissed me softly on the cheek. And I'm pretty sure I felt his tongue in there somewhere- unless of course I was just so tired I was slightly deluded but I don't think that's the case. My God, his lips are so soft. I'm pretty sure that I blushed at that point; it was dark though so I doubt he would have been able to tell either way. Logically, my mind is screaming. I mean come on, I'm snuggled up to him, his arm is wrapped around me and he's just kissed me- ever so sweetly- on the cheek;

**GO ON TAI! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR YOU TWAT? FUCKING KISS HIM ALREADY!**

Yea', that's when he whispers "Christ Tai, you're my best fucking friend." Run's a shaky hand through his blond hair and lie's down beside me, arm still wrapped round me. Really, what the hell? I mean, come on, what is that supposed me mean I know he's my best friend, but what the hell? It makes all of no sense. I was thinking, like, was that a good thing or a bad thing what just happened? Was that a secret _I love you Tai…_?or was he just being nice- in an odd way, you know, like _just in case you were too thick to realise it, you're my best friend, just to let you know_? Or it could have been an _I know what your thinking Tai, an don't even bother because you're my best friend and nothing more you queer? _Really, please someone let me know what that was supposed to mean cos I'm feeling a little lost here.

Yup, so that's that, and I feel like crap right now. Is he thick or something? Or is it me being thick? I don't know why I'm asking you, you can't even answer- God damn paper!

Whatever, I don't even care.

We all went out today, Me, Yama, T.K, Hikari, Mimi, Sora and Daisuke. It's been kinda hot so we went down to the beach and went swimming. Yama was in a real pissy mood, I think he was a little cranky as he didn't get much sleep. He kept snapping at Mimi. Understandably, Mimi is very annoying, so yeah, most of us want to have a go at her most of the time, but you just don't do it, she gets really upset and cries, which sucks as it tends to go on for hours. All she did was ask Matt to pass her the sunscreen. He was all like, "Fuck off and get it for yourself." This in itself wasn't too bad, I mean, Yama is rude to everyone. A little later she asked him if he was ok as he was sulking, to which he replied; "No I'm not fucking ok because you won't fucking shut up you stupid slag!" Yeah, so basically, he's been a twat all day. Then he didn't seem to give a damn that he's made Mimi cry, even though they've been friends for years. He really is a bit of a prick some of the time.

Yama was wearing a white shirt; mostly he wears black, so it was nice to see him in white for a change. He didn't want to come swimming with the rest of us so he waited on the beach. Hee hee, I tipped a load of water over him. He was not happy with that at all, but my God does he look hot when he's angry! Obviously, you know, white shirt, get's wet, it goes see through. Welcome to Heaven Tai, he's sooo pretty…..

I had ice cream, it was good. Sora stole it from me though. It was strawberry in one scoop and mint choc chip in the other. I like ice cream. Yama wanted some, but he can't eat ice cream cos he has sensitive teeth.

I know it's stupid, I'm in love with someone who I think is a prick, guess you can't choose who you love. If you could, I defiantly wouldn't have chosen him. He can be lovely though, just, hmm… not all that often. He's lovely to me, most of the time. Sometimes we fight. He can get pretty violent sometimes. But, that's only when he's really upset, an he only gets really upset as shit at home isn't too great. But whenever that happens I just hold him till he calms down, then I have to keep holding him as he cries. It always goes like that. He'll attack me, an I'll just take it, but block any particularly violent punches. Then his punches will get lighter as he run's out of energy then he cries and tells me how sorry he is, while I'm soothing him to keep him calm. I know, it sounds stupid that I take this crap from him. I'd rather he was attacking me though, as no one else knows how to deal with it. It's not his fault he get's like that sometimes, everyone need's a way to vent frustration an shit. I wish sometimes he's use a little of that energy to smack his Dad one. That probably wouldn't be the best idea though, as then he'd just end up getting it worse. I love him.

I wanna be able to tell him that, tell him that I love him, take all his pain away and just hold him in my arms forever.

Whatever, I'm going to bed. Got school tomorrow, will write more soon.

Oh yea' an I think there's something going on between T.K an Daisuke, will look into that at a later date.

_Things to do;_

_Check self into mental instate tomorrow as they are not open on a Sunday- I don't think they are anyway._

_Thank Kari for diary, it's proving rather useful._

_TELL YAMA I LOVE HIM!_

Bysie, 'Chi X x X x X x X x

**That is the end of that. Next chap will be up soon.**

**Love an hugs x x x x x x x x x x x **


	3. Chapter 3

**Princess-Yama here once again.**

**I still does not own anyone worth owning.**

**Me hopes all is well in al your little worlds. Well, here is chapter three. **

**Enjoy!**

Monday 5th June

Well heylo, yes, that's right it's Tai here once again, wasting even more paper- still waiting on that call from green peace about the destruction of the rain forest, it'll come, I'm sure of it.

Thus far today has been pretty crap, but hell, it's only 11 in the morning, so there hasn't been time for anything particularly exciting to happen yet. Yama is in absolute turmoil, he's run out of hair gel so his hair is a bit of a mess- oh dear God, it's like the worst thing that's ever happened to him in his whole entire life gasp- what a foolish boy.

I witnessed the cutest thing in the whole wide world this morning- which backs up my wonders from yesterday. It is official- well not official yet as I don't think anyone knows- Dai and T.K are in fact an item- I think. I should re-word that- to the best of my knowledge, Dai and T.K are together- there that's better. On the way to school this morning, while Yama was rabbiting on about hair gel (Rabbiting? Oh dear what am I talking about?) I noticed T.K reach out and grab Dai's hand, they walked like that for about 20 seconds before both blushing furiously and letting go of each other. I wish that I could hold Yama's hand, you know, like we could walk to school hand in hand, that would be nice. That may be a bit of a problem for Yama and T.K's Dad mind. I mean, now that T.K is more than likely gay, if Yama admitted he was gay too, then his parents would never get to be grandparents, which would annoy them I guess. I guess there Dad won't be finding out though, he's not very nice, so it's best not to tell him anything. Oh yeah, then when Yama and me went to Tutor, I noticed Daisuke kissing T.K goodbye on the cheek. It was so cute! I had to use all my energy to control myself from shouting "Phweeee!" at the top of my voice as that would have been rather inappropriate- Christ that word was hard to spell. So, yes, that was cute. Damn it I wish Yama was gay, but hell, never say never.

I did have a point to make, that's why I'm writing so early in the morning, it's not to inform you of the wonders of Dai and T.K- even though that is rather lovely. So, on with my point;

Bet you'll never guess where I am….

…

…

…

Well, whatever you guessed, I'm betting you're wrong.

I, Taichi Yagami the great, am hiding out in the girls toilets in the art block at school. Yes, that's right ladies and gentlemen, Taichi Yagami has just reached a whole new level of coolness- you've really out done your self this time Tai, I'm most impressed, not only are you gay, but people will soon be thinking that you are actually a girl, jazz clap for you! I've always wondered what it's like in here, imagining like some state of the art toilets or something. I was wrong, very very wrong. It's almost worse than the boy's in here. I mean, leaking toilets, broken taps, and cracked sinks. I don't think the floor has ever been cleaned in here, at least, not since the 1960's at any rate.

I should get to the point I guess, you know, instead of babbling endlessly about the state of the toilets. There's more graffiti on the walls in here than there is in the boys. In the boys toilet it's pretty much just;

Insert name here is fit

Or

Insert name here has a small cock

That's about it in there, nothing particularly offensive. (Particularly offensive- two extra big words in one go- Go Tai, I'm so great!). The stuff on the walls in here is all kinda mean. Girls are mean. There's all this crap like;

Insert name here is a hoe

Insert name here is the ugliest fuck on the planet

Insert name here takes it up the arse

Insert name here is a dyke

Girls are horrible; I think that being in here has possibly enlightened me on why I'm totally gay and not bi-sexual. Girls are not very nice.

_Mimi and Matt forever_

_Sora loves Tai_

**WTF! **Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear, this is defiantly not good. Soar likes me? Me? Really me? Maybe there's some other Tai, yea' that could be it, there's another Tai, ha-ha it's not me, all is once again good in the world. He could be some foreign exchange student, from like, I dunno, Scotland, yea' I bet that Tai is a really common name in Scotland. I don't think we have any foreign exchange kids, none from Scotland at any rate. An I think I am the only Tai in this school. DAMN IT! I should have known, she hangs herself all over me, all of the time. Shit, this is bad. Maybe I should tell her that I'm gay. I think I'm going to cry. I'M GAY! As in HOMOSEXUAL! Meaning I LIKE GUYS NOT GIRLS- oh dear, lets not think about this for the time being.

Oh yea', back to why I'm here. Well, even though Yama was real nasty to Mimi yesterday- and he made her cry- oh God, Yama is nearly as mean as all the girls writing stuff in here, that's two days in a row now he's made Mimi cry, yesterday and today. I must hit him later for that as it is not nice to make people cry.

**STICK TO THE POINT TAI!**

So yeah, Mimi asked Yama out. I guess she thought he's mean to her cos he like her or something queer like that- I don't know where girls got the idea that guys are mean to people because they like them, odd defiantly odd. Now Mimi has locked herself in the toilet an I'm waiting for her to stop crying so she'll come out and talk.

This may be a really selfish thing to be thinking at this precise moment in time an all, but I am **sooooooooo **glad that he said no to her. He was polite enough to give her the whole "Your one of my oldest friends" speech, so at least he wasn't a complete cock to her. Shit, what if he ever gives me one of those speeches! I mean, I'm not a girl, so I'm smart enough to know what they mean. Oh dear God, I'm more likely to get the "You're a queer arsed fag, go fuck yourself." Speech, Christ, I don't know which would be worse. You know, if he'd said yes to her, then I'd probably be the one sitting on the toilet crying like a girl right now instead of Mimi.

I can understand why she likes him. He is after all tall and slim- yet slightly muscular. His hair is like sunshine, only more important- in my eyes anyway. His crystal blue eyes are so deep. Basically what I'm trying to say is that Yama is yummy. Yup, I think yummy is an excellent word. Yama is so yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy. Taichi is so stupid, tra la la la la la. Yes, I am a cool. But Yama, he really is cool, like the dictionary definition of cool. Also, he is the dictionary definition of beautiful. And head case- he is also a head case.

I'm meant to be in English at the moment. Doesn't really matter though, I suck at writing, so I doubt that missing one tiny little lesson is going to affect my life in any major way, although I don't think I went to English much last week either. Well, if you were given the choice of pissing about for an hour with your bestest friend in the whole wide world or going to English, what would you choose? Besides, pissing about with Yama in the summer is great as he gets really over excited- I think the heat goes to his head- he either gets excited or grouchy though, grouchy is never fun, but I deal with it because I love him. An as it is so hot, he rarely wears a shirt, which is just very nice in general as he has the kind of body that you just want to stare at for hours and hours on end- yeah, I'm sad, I don't care.

Why Is Mimi taking so long, I mean, Christ, I know she really likes Yama an all, but you think she'd be done with the crying by now. I am so glad that no one has come in here to use the toilet while I've been sitting here, how embarrassing would that be! I mean, can you imagine it? Front page of the school newspaper I bet- **School football team's captain caught hiding out in girl's toilet! **Yup, that's what it would say, then I would be ridiculed for the rest of my life, never ever living it down. People would chant- **Tai's a girl! **That would really suck.

I don't think Yama noticed T.K an Dai this morning, he hasn't said anything about it so I guess he didn't. I wonder how he'd take it, we never really discuss the possibility of gayness among us, so I don't even know what his opinion is on any of it…. Maybe that's because he's harbouring the fact that he is secretly gay an that's why he never talks about it- yeah sure Tai, whatever you think. Maybe I should bring it up in conversation one day? But then, if his opinion turns out to be not very nice, that would make me cry.

Note to self; Tell Sora I'm gay so she doesn't like me anymore.

Mimi is coming out now- finally.

I will write later. Love an hugs

'Chi xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

**Short, I know, sorry bout that. I am contemplating locking Tai away in an institute as he be a little odd. Thank u for your reviews, I love reviews so please al review me! **

**Love an hugs**

**xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx**


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